Hello my friend!
I couldn’t wait. I thought about launching this in August, but I finished it and I want the world to read it. I honestly believe it’s the best thing I’ve ever written. More importantly, I want YOU to read it. Or listen to it.
The book is entitled Please Understand Yourself: Why We Do What We Do and What to Do About It. It’s about personalities. Yours in particular. And mine. An everyones.
You can read/listen to it here or pick up a copy at Amazon HERE.
I’ll release a chapter each Wednesday. When you open it, the player will be at the top of the email but the full text and pictures will be found as you scroll down. Feel free to share this with anyone you like.
Enjoy!
About This Book
Chapter 1: Weird People. Weird Things
Chapter 2: “I’m Better Than You”
Chapter 3: A Peek Under the Hood
Chapter 4: Temperament Prep
Chapter 5: Temperament SJ: The Guardians
Chapter 6: Temperament SP: The Artisans
Chapter 7: Temperament NF: The Idealists
Chapter 8: Temperament NT: The Rationals
Chapter 9: The Whole Person
Chapter 10: Getting Better
Dumb Questions
Acknowledgements
To everyone and everything.
You can learn a lot about a lot of things if you stop, look, listen, reflect, and remember.
Most of those things are people.
Family. Friends. Coworkers. Teachers. Mentors. Strangers.
Some are places. Some are pets.
Some are values, behaviors, attitudes, triumphs, mistakes, heartbreaks, and victories.
Anything we encounter is a thing.
And every thing has something to teach us.
We learn from things so we can better understand things. More importantly, so we can better understand each other.
Since this book is about the things that make people who they are, I want to acknowledge all the things.
The things that brought us together.
The things that pulled us apart.
The things that challenged us.
The things that shaped us.
The things that helped us understand ourselves and one another.
So, thank you, things.
I know “it ‘ain’t nuthin’ but a thang.”
But thank you. Thing.
I acknowledge you.
June 24, 2026
About This Book
In mid-1998, I was heading into the final lap of my Navy career, the end of 15 years of misery. I never intended to stay that long. My plan was a five-year enlistment to gain experience as a dental laboratory technician. I had attended a civilian trade school, but a terrible economy in 1982 prompted a visit to a recruiting station.
The Navy recruiter promised me lab school. I found out the hard way that recruiters can’t guarantee much. Instead, I ended up as a chairside dental assistant.
Pure torture. And at the end of each enlistment, I had a personal crisis that prompted me to reenlist.
I channeled my disappointment into education. The Navy paid 75% of my tuition, if I maintained a C average. That was akin to getting an A for me, so it wasn’t easy. I earned a bachelor’s degree in healthcare management and a master’s degree in organizational leadership, all done at night and on weekends. I still had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, but on October 11, 1996, all the pieces fell into place.
That morning, I nearly took a swing at my boss.
It was then I realized my mission in life would be to rid the world of bad bosses. I decided to become a management consultant.
The Navy had a 15-year retirement program at the time during a big downsizing, so I took it. A pension a fraction of what I’d get for giving five more years, but I was done.
By October 1998, I got a lead from a company in Memphis called Right Management Associates. They provided management training, coaching, and outplacement services. They were looking for a leadership coach.
I had the education. The experience was a little iffy, so I faked most of it on my resume.
The position also mentioned that candidates should be familiar with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, or MBTI. That’s when I picked up the book, Please Understand Me by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates.
The book focused on the Four Temperaments; broad personality patterns built on the same type principles measured by the MBTI.
It also contained a built-in assessment.
So, I took it.
The results said I was an INFP.
When I read the description, it fit me perfectly. Suddenly, a lot of things made sense, including why I had been such a poor fit for the Navy.
I interviewed for the position but wasn’t selected. The hiring manager told me I had the qualifications but not enough gray hair. Most of the clients were in their 50s and 60s, and he worried they wouldn’t find me credible.
I suppose it was the reverse of age discrimination.
I was disappointed, but I soon landed another position.
Still, I never forgot about INFP.
By 2001, I was working as a management education specialist in the HR department of a hospital in Maryland. We completed an MBTI workshop as a department, and I saw the value firsthand.
I decided to become qualified to administer the instrument and make it part of my management development programs.
I attended certification training through Otto Kroeger Associates. Otto, the author of several books on Type, taught part of the course. I passed the qualification process, took several additional classes, and eventually incorporated temperament and personality type into nearly every management program I taught.
And into my life.
Turns out, when you get to know yourself a little better, you realize not everyone is as bad as you thought they were.
In fact, I discovered I had created many of my own relationship problems.
Please Understand Me isn’t just the title of a book.
It’s a plea.
We’ve all said it at one time or another.
“Please understand me!”
The problem is that nobody is as interested in understanding you as you are.
That’s why this book is called Please Understand Yourself First.
You. First.
Think about the safety briefing on an airplane. When the oxygen masks drop, your first responsibility is to stop screaming, put on your own mask, and then help others. You only have 30 seconds before you pass out.
The same principle applies here.
If you believe the world is full of annoying, disappointing, disrespectful, or repugnant people, then you probably need this book more than most.
The truth is that if we had the ability to meet ourselves for the first time in public, we might not like what we saw.
Hell, I’d probably want to take a swing at me.
So, this book is for you.
Provided you’re willing to understand who you are with the goal of becoming a healthier, more functional version of yourself.
Before we try to understand our spouses, children, coworkers, bosses, neighbors, or the idiots arguing on social media, we should probably understand ourselves.
Why do you do what you do?
Why do you think the way you think?
What motivates you?
What frustrates you?
Why do some people energize you while others make you want to fake your own death?
And yes, why does everyone around you seem so fucked up?
That part is tongue-in-cheek.
Mostly.
Before we get started, let’s establish a few ground rules.
First, read this book for yourself.
Don’t read it so you can lovingly explain to your spouse what’s wrong with them. Don’t read it so you can diagnose why your team is dysfunctional. Don’t read it so you can prove your boss is an idiot.
Read it to understand YOU.
Second, don’t force anyone else to read it.
I know that’s difficult. I’ve discovered some life-changing books over the years and wanted everyone I know to read them. Sometimes they did. Sometimes they didn’t.
People arrive at lessons when they’re ready.
Don’t give it to your partner as a gift. It’s like handing Chef Gordon Ramsey a cookbook. He doesn’t need one, YOU DO! “Donkey!.”My book is a cookbook. For you to understand and cook up a better version of you.
For you to present to those around you.
Enjoy the book. Recommend it. Just don’t force it on anyone.
Third, be careful when “reading” other people.
I’ve administered more than 4,000 MBTI assessments since 2001 and can usually spot patterns pretty quickly. Even so, I’ve learned to be cautious.
Misdiagnosing someone’s type can do real damage.
People are more complicated than four letters.
If we can agree on those three rules, we’ll get along just fine.
Now let’s get started.
And please...
Understand yourself first.
