Read previous chapters below:
Chapter 1 - Quit Being Afraid!
Chapter 2
Acknowledge
The first step in our journey is to acknowledge what skills and abilities we already possess. It seems like a logical process. After all, professional sports teams assess talent each year before training camp to see which skilled players they have and where the needs might be. If a business process is going to be improved, baseline metrics must be established. If someone wants to implement a new fitness routine, they should start by assessing where they currently are.
Improving our ability to speak confidently in front of a crowd is no different. Our first job is to see what strengths and abilities we already have. If you’ve never taken the time to do this, you’ll be shocked at how much of a “natural” you already are! You may also be surprised that despite your preferences, your abilities may be quite strong. Either way, a period of introspection is a wonderful way to start.
Let’s look at some of the basic areas we need to acknowledge as we work to build our speaking skills:
1. Our Personality Preference or Type
2. Our Presentation Style
3. Our Fear
What’s My Preference?
How well do you know yourself? Do you affirm comments, observations, criticisms, and feedback others give you?
These questions are important to answer if we want to acknowledge who we are and what have inside of us. In fact, we need to know this if we ever want to find out why we may have any of the Big Eight we talked about in Chapter One.
When you watch other presenters, do you notice that some have a knack for taking a very obscure concept and making it understandable? How about others who can generate lots of energy with their mere presence on stage? Do you notice some speakers who can deliver potentially bad news while making every effort to connect with the emotions of those in the audience?
If this seems natural for some presenters, it’s possible their personality preference or Type is one reason why. I believe that each of us comes “pre-wired” at birth with certain personality preferences. But while we have “pre-wired” preferences that make it easier to present, we also have the ability to either develop the skills that don’t come naturally to us. It all comes down to a preference. We prefer one thing over another, but we can still do that non-preferred thing if we really push ourselves.
For breakfast, would you rather eat a donut or an apple?
If you prefer donuts, you’d probably eat an apple if you had to, but given the choice, you prefer a donut. Personality preferences are the same. You prefer one thing but if you had to, you could do the opposite.
Here are four ways to break down our personality preferences.
What Activities Energize Me?
Take a moment and think about the following questions:
· In a large group, are you the one making introductions, or do you like to be introduced?
· When you’re with a group of people, would you prefer to talk with the group, or talk individually with people you know?
· Is it easy for you to talk to almost anyone for as long as you must, or do you find a lot to say only to certain people or under certain conditions?
Your answers to these questions help determine whether you have a preference for Introversion or a preference for Extraversion. People with a preference for Extraversion (and notice that we use “a preference for” in how we describe these. I would not call you a donut if you had a preference for donuts at breakfast) tend to prefer verbalization, big crowds, and multiple relationships. They’re most often found seeking the company of others and find it difficult to get anything done in total isolation and silence. It’s because those things give them energy.
People with a preference for Introversion are quite different. They tend to seek depth and appear quiet and reflective. They’re most often found working quietly and efficiently behind closed doors and large groups of people tend to wear them out. Since extraversion and introversion address energy flow, you’ll most often find them cheerful and refreshed after spending hours toiling in their preferred environment.
A word of caution though. While this one appears to be easy to spot, you might be surprised to see the amount of energetic, outgoing motivational speakers who are closet Introverts! I know. I’m one of them. We simply know how to channel the energy out of our comfortable preference and into the situation that demands it. And, at the end of a long day spent in front of crowds, we become physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I speak from experience!
How do I Gather my Information?
Now take a moment and think about the following questions:
· Would you rather hang around someone who is always coming up with new ideas, or thinks “inside the box?”
· When you read, do you enjoy odd or original ways of saying things, or do you wish writers would describe things as they are?
· Are you more intrigued by theory or do you prefer a more scientific approach?
· Are you one of those people who don’t believe things until you can process them with your five senses, or do you trust your gut?
Your answers to these questions tell us if you prefer to gather information through Sensing or iNtuition.
People with a preference for Sensing prefer to gather information in the here and now, literally, perhaps using the five senses. If you ask them to describe an object such as an orange, they’ll look at just THAT orange, smell it, peel it, taste it, and then describe THAT orange only. They’re most comfortable with data they can completely account for.
Folks with a preference for iNtuition on the other hand, tend to gather their information figuratively, looking perhaps for relationships, possibilities, and additional meanings. If you hand people with this preference an orange, they’ll certainly hold it and look at it, but don’t be surprised if they begin describing oranges. They’ll talk about the climate to grow oranges in, which may include California or Florida, then they’ll talk about the vacation they took to Disney World, which leads them to a discussion of the best time they ever had as a family, etc.
Which Part of Me Makes Decisions?
Think about these questions:
· Do you prefer sentimental things over more logical things, or vice versa?
· Do you find it difficult to empathize with someone’s experience?
· Do you consider facts or people’s feelings or opinions when making an important decision?
Your choices here help determine whether you use emotion or logic when it comes to making decisions. We can refer to you as having a preference for Thinking or Feeling.
If you have a preference for Thinking, it doesn’t mean you’re smart. It just means you prefer to make decisions based on objective data. For you, fairness, clarity, and justice are key descriptors of your process. You tend to look at the consequences of the action and use them to help decide the necessary course of action.
If you prefer Feeling, you make your decisions differently. You’re primarily motivated by relationships and interpersonal factors. The impact of the decision on the people involved is the driving force in your choices. While at first glance this preference may come across as tentative and not as confident as the preferred thinker might, it’s important to realize that once both make a decision, it’s firm and unbending. The process and frame of reference sets the two apart.
How Do I Prefer to Structure My Life?
Now try to answer these questions:
· Do you plan events well in advance, or prefer to do whatever looks like fun when the time comes?
· When you have an important task at hand, do you like to organize it carefully before you start, or plan it as you go along?
· Would you prefer to do most things according to what feels right, or a set schedule?
Depending on how you answered those four questions, we might tell if you prefer lots of structure and closure (Judging) or prefer less of a rigid environment (Perceiving).
People with a preference for Judging like neatness, conciseness, and a clearly defined finish line. They are list-makers and are likely to use a day planner and stick with it year-round. In terms of preference, they would most likely prefer to be decision-makers rather than information-gatherers.
People who have a preference for Perceiving like less formal systems, instead opting to address situations as they arise. Give someone like this a leather organizer and it will gather dust. Let them have a calendar app and they’ll ignore it, opting to check social media instead. For them, closure only comes when all the data and plans are ready – this defines the deadline. They don’t appreciate YOU setting the deadline for them. They can work well under pressure if it’s their pressure. These folks certainly have structure, but it’s their structure and it fits them and their Type.
How Do You Get All That Information From A Few Questions – And Is It Valid?
Much of the work done around Type was pioneered by Swiss-born Psychiatrist C.G. Jung, who hypothesized that human behavior didn’t just “happen”, but was related to a set of preferences that are established early in life and form the basis of the personality that others see. As a person gets older, much of what they do, see, and think is framed by those preferences. Jung’s work was then built upon by Katherine Briggs and her daughter, Isabel Briggs-Myers. They developed an assessment containing similar questions to the ones you previously answered, and the results give your preferences in one of 16 possible combinations.
Discovering your Type is accomplished by taking this assessment, which is known as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)®.
The MBTI® is statistically sound and designed to measure your self-identified preferences. The instrument has been around for decades and currently taken by over two million people each year. You really can get all that information from those 93 questions!
So What?
Understanding your personality Type and preferences is the first step to acknowledging why you might fear public speaking. We often fear what we don’t understand. If you have difficulty interacting with large groups of people, or if doing so really tires you out, it’s helpful to know that it might be because you have a preference for Introversion. You can give an outstanding presentation with ease when you run through it in your head, or when you give it to a small familiar group of two or three people but transitioning that onto the stage is troublesome.
Similarly, if you have trouble taking large and confusing concepts and making them understandable to a diverse audience, or if you have a tendency to drone on and on with the same point and say the same thing a thousand different ways, this could be a result of preference for either Sensing or iNtuition.
If, when delivering a presentation that could negatively impact the current conditions of the people around you, and you come across as cold and calloused, or overly concerned; we might say it’s because you’re playing into your Thinking or Feeling preference.
You might be one of those presenters who can stick to your allotted time or run way ahead of it. On the other hand, you might tend to run over the time, perhaps getting caught up in a question-and-answer time that leads to more discussion. If either of these apply, it’s probably due to you’re either practicing Judging or Perceiving.
Each of these four dichotomies is extremely helpful when doing the basic assessment of your SELF. While we’re essentially stuck with our preferences for life, we don’t have to be held prisoner by them. Whether speaking in front of a group seems natural or not, we can all learn to shift out of our preferences to get to a strong comfort level. We’ll talk about that more in later in the book.
What’s My Style?
If you decided to become a professional boxer, your first step, the one before drinking raw eggs and getting up before dawn to run, would be to assess your boxing style. Your coach and manager would analyze your punch strength, speed, boxing ability, and conditioning. Only after observing this through hours of training and sparring, would your management team agree you were ready for your first fight.
What’s your presentation style? Do you prefer to interact with your audience, or would you rather deliver information in a lecture? Are you mobile up on stage, or do you prefer a stationary place, safely behind a podium? Are you comfortable with using metaphors, or would you rather just give the information straight and to the point? Do you like high-tech visual aids, or would a simple flip chart and note cards suit you?
The Elements of Style
Each of these questions is designed to help you learn more about your presentation style. We all have preferences for how we would ideally like to present. If we master our style, we’ll become quite comfortable presenting information in an environment that suits us. What are the elements of style? We have some suggestions below. See which of these seem comfortable to you.
Use of Pace & Pauses
How fast do you speak? Do you tend to run your sentences together very quickly, or are you more deliberate?
Pace is the speed at which we speak. It’s a little like running a mile. If you begin very quickly, only to finish slowly, we might say that you failed to “pace yourself.” Speaking is the same way. If you tend to begin quickly, then blow through your hours’ worth of material in five minutes, your pace may be too fast. If you have only 20 minutes to speak, but end up consistently running over your allotted time, we might say your pace is too slow.
Pauses are the natural spots for us to take a breath of air when we speak. In writing, a comma signals a logical place to take a breath – which helps us better structure our written work. If your presentation seems to run smoothly, yet you constantly find yourself out of sync when trying to catch your breath, it may be a result of ill-timed or poorly planned pauses. We’ll see a little later how a well-timed, strategically placed pause can have more impact than the word that it precedes.
Voice Modulation
When you listen to game show host, actor, and commentator Ben Stein, do you think he comes across as boring? If so, it’s probably because he speaks in a very deliberate, monotone voice. He’s a brilliant man, but to the average person, the brilliance is heavily cloaked in a presentation voice that prevents us from hearing what he has to say.
Voice modulation is the act of changing our tone and pitch to keep our audience listening. It involves emphasizing certain syllables, words, and phrases. If you want a good example of good voice modulation, watch a TV preacher sometime. Their emotional appeal is most often contained in a well-timed voice inflection. Martin Luther King Jr.’s I Have a Dream speech is a wonderful example of voice modulation in action. While Dr. King’s words are indeed powerful on their own, I doubt Ben Stein could make the same impact in his monotone delivery.
Eye Contact
Making eye contact is a critical part of getting your message across. In some cultures, eye contact is a greeting, an acknowledgement of your pure existence. In particular, the tribes of northern Natal in South Africa greet each other with Sawu bona, a salutation that literally means “I see you.” If we have a bad customer service experience, many times it begins because a clerk fails to maintain eye contact with us.
I remember a speaker we had back in high school on chapel day. During his 30-minute sermon, he looked over our heads and failed to make eye contact even once. I had no clue what he was trying to say, mainly because I felt he wasn’t trying to talk to me anyway. It didn’t help that he insisted rock music was from the Devil. Good eye contact tells your audience that YOU have an important message specifically tailored to their ears. The pathway to the audience’s soul is through the ears, but you must first get through the gateway of the eyes.
Learning to make eye contact is a challenge for most of us. Maybe it’s because we grew up listening to our parents tell us “It’s not polite to stare.” Perhaps we think it’s confrontational. People tell me to never make eye contact with a growling dog as they see it as a challenge.
One way to ease into using eye contact is to practice the two-second rule. As you speak, make eye contact with each person in the audience for two seconds at a time. If you’re up on stage, you won’t have to look them in the eyes, just look at their forehead. Make a conscious effort to speak and scan the crowd, with two-second stops at as many people you can. Be sure to scan gently; don’t dart all over the room. Take care not to focus on one person or section for too long. I always find it difficult to move from someone who appears to be very interested in what I’m saying. Also, be careful not to get sidetracked by individuals in the audience that may get our attention. It could be a person we know who makes a surprise appearance, or maybe someone in bright colored clothes, or maybe a person with a physical abnormality. In these cases, it most certainly is impolite to stare, plus we’ll probably lose our train of thought.
Later, we’ll talk about strategies to help us learn about our audience before even stepping out on stage, which should prevent any audience anomalies from surprising us.
Gestures
Have you ever met people who convince you they’d be mute if you tied their hands behind their back? Each of us speaks with some gestures, some of us more than others.
The use of natural gestures in a presentation gives it variety, works to emphasize certain points, and helps us connect with those who are watching us. It’s the non-verbal equivalent of voice modulation. Do you remember President Clinton’s vehement denial of his relationship with Monica Lewinsky in the late 1990s? What stood out to most observers was his pointed finger gesturing as he emphasized,
“I did not…have sexual relations…with that woman… Miss Lewinsky.”
When it comes to using gestures, moderation is key. Too much can wear an audience out, too little lulls them to sleep. Again, look at TV preachers to get an idea which amount is right for you.
Here is a final word about gestures. Be sure to choose them carefully. In high school, Mr. May, our school administrator was giving a rather animated lecture in a Bible class when he raised up his hand to point upward and used his middle finger rather than his index finger. Of course, the class mentally checked out after that – we couldn’t believe Mr. May gave us all The Finger.
Posture & Body Language
Several years ago, a study was published in which former street muggers observed videotapes featuring normal citizens walking down the street. They were asked which of these they would choose to assault if they were still involved in their evil past. The observers overwhelmingly chose to avoid people that had body language and posture that exuded confidence. This could be anything from walking erect with shoulders back, hands swinging naturally at their sides, and head not locked forward, but naturally aware of the surroundings.
Body language is the most powerful communication we have. It can be argued that every body movement has a meaning and no movement is accidental. For example, through body language we say, “Help me, I’m lonely”; “Take me, I’m available”; or “Leave me alone, I’m depressed.” We rarely send our non-verbal messages consciously. We lift one eyebrow for disbelief. We rub our noses for puzzlement. We fold our arms to protect ourselves. We shrug our shoulders for indifference, wink one eye for intimacy, tap our fingers for impatience, and slap our forehead for forgetfulness.
Posture is important too. Good posture accomplishes two objectives. First, good posture, i.e. shoulders back, head high, arms naturally at the side exudes confidence. You’re the expert – your body language says that for you. It’s more powerful than a bio tucked inside the course materials. Secondly, good posture helps you breathe, which in turn allows you to have better modulation, breath more naturally, and make your strategic pauses where you need them.
Just as with gestures, body language can either energize our presentation, put the audience to sleep, or create total confusion as you gyrate all over the stage. Don’t overdo it. You’re not in the audience at a wrestling match or a Tony Robbins event. Be reasonable and appropriate.
Appropriate body language consists of what we’ve covered previously about eye contact and gestures, but with the added act of a conscious smile. After eye contact, the presence or absence of a smile sends a very important message:
“I’m glad to be here and I like you.”
There’s no better way to get your audience connected to you than with a smile. Of course, the key is to have a sincere smile. Your audience won’t be fooled. Let them know you are excited to be there and that you like them!
Filler Words & Nervous Habits
What is “um?” It’s a filler word – a word we use to fill in a “dead spot” in the presentation. “Um” isn’t the only culprit. “Ya know” is another biggie. Watch professional athletes in an interview and you’ll see this one used liberally. “Uh” makes a nice filler too. Teenagers like “like.” Entrepreneurs like to start every sentence and answer any question with “so.” In any place where silence seems uncomfortable, the filler word finds a home.
Filler words are sometimes impossible to eliminate, but we can certainly try to minimize them. One way is to appreciate the pause. Use that quiet moment to make emphasis, gather your thoughts, or prepare the audience for the next phrase. There’s nothing wrong with a little silence, provided it’s no longer than a second or so. Another way is to have a trusted person count your filler words. You’ll be surprised how often and how naturally filler words invade your presentation.
Each of us has nervous habits. I’m not sure where they come from, but we all have nervous tics that happen when we experience stress.
The late comedian Rodney Dangerfield tugged at the knot in his tie. Jack Nicholson smoothed his eyebrows. Professional baseball players possess and perform a wide array of nervous habits, from “crossing” themselves, spitting, tugging on the bill of their caps, or grabbing their crotches. Why is this?
Nervous habits are like filler words. We use them to fill in a break in the action where a spoken word is either inappropriate or impossible to use. It usually happens when we are the focus of attention. While some folks enjoy the spotlight, others feel much too vulnerable in it, and manifest this feeling by doing some sort of gesture. It’s almost always unconscious. I never knew I twisted my wedding ring when I was teaching until a student mentioned it to me. Sometimes we use nervous habits as a ritual – much like a good luck charm. Just remember that both filler words and nervous habits are usually evident to everyone but YOU. Enlist the help of some trusted friends to help point them out to you.
Enjoyment and Ease
Do you like your audience and the subject you’re presenting? If so, it probably shows through your non-verbal language more than anything else. Aside from eye contact, a smile, and positive voice modulation, nothing communicates your enjoyment and ease more than your apparent comfort level with the audience.
This is difficult – after all, you may be experiencing sheer terror on the inside, but the outside must not show it. Look at some of the better talk show hosts on television. I’m sure each of them experiences nerves while on camera, but you’d never know it from watching them. Jerry Springer calmly moved about the stage despite angry women clawing at each other’s clothes and hair. Dr. Phil McGraw maintains composure even when you know he wants to reach out and slap some of his guests. Oprah Winfrey expresses extreme compassion and anger without coming off as overly emotional. Why? Each of them is at ease with their audience. They are the experts - they are in control. How do you master this skill? It comes from knowledge, preparation, and practice. We’ll cover this more in later in the book.
So, What’s YOUR Style?
Now that you know what’s involved in presentation style, the next step is to find YOUR style. The best way is to ask others for feedback. Look at evaluations from previous presentations you’ve made. Find out from trusted friends and colleagues where your strengths were – this will indicate where you were able to operate well within your comfort level – most likely when you were working in your preferred style.
But what if you’ve never presented before? If this is your first time, perhaps a couple of dry runs in front of a small and friendly audience would be helpful. Ask for honest feedback. Find out what got and held their attention. If you can’t get that audience together or are not yet ready for prime time, then try watching a video of you presenting.
A video won’t lie to you. It’s a great way to see yourself from the audience’s perspective. The only requirement is that you can do an honest self-assessment of your style based on what you observe.
Just as a fighter must learn their own style, maximizing it to their benefit, they must also learn to adjust whenever necessary. The fighter’s manager can sometimes pick opponents that are suited to their style, but often they have very little choice. You may have little choice of presenting under the conditions most appealing to you – so mastering multiple styles is an important skill to learn.
Points to Ponder
1. What is my style?
2. What areas do I need to develop?
3. Who can I trust to help find my strengths and weaknesses?
Facing Your Fear
All of us have some fear of presenting. The key question is to ask why? If we know specifically what we fear, we can take steps to conquer it.
If you fear giving a presentation, ask yourself this series of questions:
What was the worst experience I ever had giving a presentation?
What was the reason that experience happened?
Did I learn from that experience?
What is the ONE thing I fear most that might happen during upcoming or future presentations?
If that ONE thing happens, what will the fallout be?
Will that fallout result in death or personal injury to me or anyone I love?
Am I willing to face my fears and develop strategies to overcome them?
Remember our thoughts about fear in Chapter One? Fear is really nothing more than the anxiety that comes from possible, POTENTIAL problems rather than actual problems. While this should provide you a measure of comfort, let me elaborate for those who are still nervously biting their nails.
It seems like the natural reaction to express fear when we’re called on to do a presentation. After all, we don’t want to come across as cocky. It’s also a natural reaction to begin sweating and getting nervous and afraid when our dentist comes into the exam room and the assistant unwraps the sharp instruments. We haven’t yet experienced pain today, but perhaps we had a bad experience before which scares us. It appears our brain works overtime to scare us! Why does this happen?
To understand how this works, we must look at classical conditioning, one of the many ways that humans learn.
Classical conditioning grew out of experiments conducted at the turn of the twentieth century by Russian physiologist, Ivan Pavlov. Working closely with his dog, Pavlov determined that learning a conditioned response involves building up an association between a conditioned stimulus, and an unconditioned stimulus. How does this work? In Pavlov’s experiment, he would blow some powdered meat into his dog’s face, which caused the dog to salivate. This is what we might call the unconditioned stimulus. Dogs salivate at the scent and taste of food. Then Pavlov began ringing a bell at the same time he blew the meat into the dog’s face. Eventually, all it took was the ringing bell to get the dog drooling. This response was a result of the conditioned stimulus – that of the ringing bell. On a side note, when we got our outside cats in 2015, I would ring a cowbell when I would feed them. Now, if I go out to feed them and they’re not there, I just ring that cowbell and they come running.
So, FYI Pavlov, my cats are as smart as your dog. Likely much smarter.
What does that mean for us? It’s very simple. Just as some of us had bad experiences in the dentist’s office previously and now begin to get nervous when we smell the topical anesthetic and see the instruments, we also begin to visualize actual or imagined bad experiences during a presentation. We replay the scenario repeatedly, until like Pavlov’s dog, we begin to respond as if the unconditioned stimulus was upon us. Maybe we envision ourselves up on the stage and the audience is laughing at us. We may see ourselves dropping our notes, or the nervously stalling for time when the PowerPoint® slides freeze up. Perhaps we see ourselves losing our train of thought and drawing a complete blank. Worst of all, we imagine a hostile audience, listening only to respond, and then beating us up during the question-and-answer period.
QUIT SALIVATING AT THE SOUND OF THE RINGING BELL!!!
You’re much brighter than Pavlov’s dog and can choose to break this cycle! We’ll work on it together! You can no doubt fill up several sheets of paper with potential problems. I can too. The difference is that we’ll address them and overcome them through careful preparation and flawless execution. We’ll plan our work and work our plan. It will happen through a combination of self-awareness, mental conditioning, audience scouting, and practice. Let’s transform that fear into useful adrenaline and deliver a knockout presentation!
Points to Ponder
1. What was the worst experience I ever had giving a presentation?
2. What was the reason that experience happened?
3. Did I learn from that experience?
4. What is the ONE thing I fear most that might happen during future presentations?
5. If that ONE thing happens, what will the fallout be?
6. Will that fallout result in death or personal injury to me or anyone I love?
7. Am I willing to face my fears and develop strategies to overcome them?
“Failure isn’t an option. I’ve erased the word ‘fear’ from my vocabulary, and I think when you erase fear, you can’t fail.”
Alicia Keys
